If I look like a man who made love to his wife last night – it's because I almost did. I've been in the film business for a while but I just can't seem to get one in the can.

There's unlimited juice? This party is gonna be off the hook. The Army had half a day. It's ok. You be with Yam. We have unlimited juice? This party is going to be off the hook. Oh, hi, Mom. I have the afternoon free. Really? Did "nothing" cancel? She's trying to prove that she's closer to my children than I am, but the joke's on her, because she doesn't know how little I care for GOB. Ann certainly has a great deal of Mass.

Chaw-chee, chaw-chee chaw-chee! Coo coo ca cha! Ah coodle doodle do Caw ca caw, caw ca caw. It's a wonderful restaurant! Boy, I sure feel like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul. Aren't you the sweetest thing, spending time with what's left of your uncle. No, no, it's pronounced a-nal-ra-pist. Do you have any idea how often you say the word "afraid"? Well, I know I used it in the Jacuzzi. What have we always said is the most important thing?

Monday morning. COME ON! A sea of waiters and no one will take a drink order. Could it be love? I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard. So maybe you could start jete-ing, and stop je-terrorizing me! I thought the two of us could talk man-on-man. Chicken fingers… with spicy club sauce. It was for me. I was going to smoke the marijuana like a cigarette.

I was hoping he would be gifted sexually. Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop. Michael: It's just Mom and whores. Tobias Fünke costume. I'm an ideas man, Michael. I think I proved that with "Fuck Mountain." Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass. Suddenly he's too much of a big-shot to brush mother's hair.

Bob Loblaw Lobs Law Bomb. Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop. Michael: It's just Mom and whores. Are all the guys in here… you know? George Sr.: No, not all of them. Barry: Yeah. It's never the ones you hope. I don't want no part of yo tight-ass country club, ya freak bitch! I hate the Wetlands. They're stupid and wet, and there are bugs everywhere, and I think I maced a crane. Uncle Gob… was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold necklaces with the T on it? That's a cross. Across from where?

Did you know that more frozen bananas are sold right here on this boardwalk than anywhere on the OC? Today I learned this is a real place, tho more lush than the OC. How about a turtle? I've always loved those leathery little snappy faces. We all need to pick a day to try and make trend. I'M A MONSTER!! Yeah, that's a cultural problem is what it is. You know, your average American male is in a perpetual state of adolescence, you know, arrested development. (Hey. That's the name of the show!) Coo coo ca chaw. Coo coo ca chaw.

You're losing blood, aren't you? Probably, my socks are wet. He… she… what's the difference? Oh hear, hear. In the dark, it all looks the same. That's the first time we were in the shower since our honeymoon. And this time, no tears. There are dozens of us! Dozens!

Mr. Zuckerkorn, you've been warned about touching. You said spanking. Don't ask "Can I"… ask "I Can!" Did you enjoy your lunch, mom? You drank it fast enough. I believe you will find the dessert to be both engrossing and high-grossing! So we don't get dessert? No one was making fun of Andy Griffith. I can't emphasize that enough. Uncle Gob… was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. Waiting for the Emmys. BTW did you know won 6 Emmys and was still canceled early by Fox? COME ON.

You were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You were just a turd. After all, why should you go to jail for a crime somebody else noticed? She's not 'that Mexican', Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Colombian or something.