I'm tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me, I'll be at the bar. Did Ted make an appointment? No. Well, then Ted can GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS OFFICE! YOU GET THE HELL OUT! Even though so many people in this office are begging for it.

I'm gonna go get sexy. That's my son, you pothead!

Boy, I sure feel like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul. With spicy club sauce.

If mother sees this, she will blow a cow. Suddenly playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit?

Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass. Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. It feels good to be back in a queen!

And don't make the water too hot. The scabs come right off. I hear the jury's still out on science. Are all the guys in here… you know? George Sr.: No, not all of them. Barry: Yeah. It's never the ones you hope. Well, they got the Asian right… "hotties" might be a stretch.

Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop. It's just Mom and whores. And I wouldn't just lie there, if that's what you're thinking. That's not what I WAS thinking. Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder? It's as Ann as the nose on Plain's face. They don't allow you to have bees in here. No one's called him Baby Buster since high school.

Did you know that more frozen bananas are sold right here on this boardwalk than anywhere in the OC? A-coodle-doodle-doo. A-coodle-doodle-doo. Am I in two thirds of a hospital room? Te quiero. English, please. I love you! Great, now I'm late. If mother sees this, she will blow a cow. Chaw-chee, chaw-chee chaw-chee! Coo coo ca cha! Ah coodle doodle do Caw ca caw, caw ca caw.

I will be a bigger and hairier mole than the one on your inner left thigh! No, Pop-pop does not get a treat, I just brought you a [bleep]ing pizza. WHY was this show cancelled? I mean, COME ON. For there's a man inside me, and only when he's finally out, can I walk free of pain. But I'm the oldest. The matriarch if you will.

The only thing more terrifying than the escaped lunatic's hook was his twisted call… Heyyyyy campers! No, no, it's pronounced a-nal-ra-pist. It wasn't really the pronunciation that bothered me. Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder? Oh, yeah. The guy in the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in three months. COME ON! But I'm the oldest. The matriarch if you will.