Gosh Mom… after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you. This is not what it looks like. It looks like you're tweaking her nipples through a chain-link fence. Saw this on the highway and almost blue myself. Hop on? Don't ask "Can I"… ask "I Can!" It was the first taste of alcohol Buster had since he was nursing. Even it means me taking a chubby… I will suck it up. They frame my junk.

Don't leave your Uncle T-bag hanging. George Michael, you want to put your head down there by his drainage shunt? I'm a complete failure. I can't even fake the death of a stripper. A sea of waiters and no one will take a drink order. Am I in two thirds of a hospital room? Annhog's coming?

But I'm the oldest. The matriarch if you will. She's a contestant. It's sorta like an inner beauty pageant. Ah, there it is. Got a big ass room at the travelodge. What a fun, sexy time for you. Butterscotch! Want a lick? Fried cheese… with club sauce. I'm foolish and I'm funny and I'm needy. Am I needy? Are you sure I'm not needy? 'Cause I feel needy sometimes.

I hate the Wetlands. They're stupid and wet, and there are bugs everywhere, and I think I maced a crane. Mister gay is bleeding! Mister gay! What, so the guy we are meeting with can't even grow his own hair? COME ON! I don't want no part of yo' tight-ass country club, ya freak bitch! Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder? Go ahead, touch the cornballer. We all need to pick a day to try and make trend.

It's Sunday, but screw it — juice box time. It's a jetpack, Michael. What could go wrong? You just grab that brownish area by its points and you don't let go no matter what your mother tells you! She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us so that she can control everything. Yeah. Mom's awesome.

Annhog's coming? The only thing I found in the fridge was a dead dove in a bag. Gob: You didn't eat that, did you? Say goodbye to THESE! You can control your bladder when you're dead!

But where did the lighter fluid come from? My brother wasn't optimistic it could be done, but I didn't take "wasn't optimistic it could be done" for an answer. He… she… what's the difference? Oh hear, hear. In the dark, it all looks the same. I'm afraid I'm with Michael on this one. The guy runs a prison, he can have any piece of ass he wants. One of the guys told me to take my head out of my BOTTOM and get back to work…my BOTTOM!

Mission Accomplished. We have unlimited juice? This party is going to be off the hook.

I hate the Wetlands. They're stupid and wet, and there are bugs everywhere, and I think I maced a crane. Go ahead, touch the cornballer. Probably out there without a flipper, swimming around in a circle, freaking out his whole family. I'll buy you a hundred George Michaels that you can teach to drive! She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us so that she can control everything. Yeah. Mom's awesome. She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us so that she can control everything. Yeah. Mom's awesome.

That was Tom Cruise, the actor. Lucille: They said he was some kind of scientist. Say goodbye to THESE! See for more good stuff. Heart attack never stopped old Big Bear. I didn't even know we were calling him Big Bear. We never had the chance to. How could I say no to the woman who gave me chlamydia? Did Ted make an appointment? No. Well then Ted can GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS OFFICE! YOU GET THE HELL OUT! It was for me. I was going to smoke the marijuana like a cigarette.