Go ahead, touch the cornballer. Teamocil.

I was once called the worst audience participant Cirque du Soleil ever had. How about a turtle? I've always loved those leathery little snappy faces. We need a name. Maybe 'Operation Hot Mother'. Look, you are playing adults…with fully formed libidos, not 2 young men playing grab-ass in the shower. I've always been deeply passionate about nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest? I'll never forget your wedding.

Please refrain from Mayoneggs during this salmonella scare. Oh, I can just taste those meaty leading man parts in my mouth. What's gotten into you? Have you been eating cheese? This is not me encouraging you to go here and write a review. No.

The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. COME ON. Are you at all concerned about an uprising?

Go ahead, touch the Cornballer. Family Love Michael. And don't make the water too hot. The scabs come right off. Family Love Michael. NO TOUCHING!

I need a tea to give my dingle less tingle. I deceived you, mom. Tricked makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.

If this were a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break. But it wasn't. I'll have a vodka rocks. (Mom, it's breakfast time.) And a piece of toast. Fried cheese… with club sauce. Popcorn shrimp… with club sauce. Chicken fingers… with spicy club sauce. We have unlimited juice? This party is going to be off the hook. She wanted to look 48. I nearly airbrushed her into oblivion. Ended up checking "albino" on the form. After all, why should you go to jail for a crime somebody else noticed? I just dont want him to point out my cracker ass in front of Ann.

So did you see the new Poof? His name's Gary, and we don't need anymore lawsuits. Maybe it was the other George Michael. You know, the singer-songwriter. There are very few intelligent, attractive and straight men in this town. Well, that certainly leaves me out. So, what do you say? We got a basket full of father-son fun here. What's Kama Sutra oil? Maybe it's not for us.

I just don't want him to point out my cracker ass in front of Ann. Gosh Mom… after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you. When a.. man.. needs to prove to a woman that he's actually.. [pause].. When a man loves a woman.. I'm going to buy you the single healthiest call girl this town has ever seen.

Absolutely. And we're going to be here every day. I don't care if it takes from now till the end of Shrimpfest. Do you have any idea how often you say the word afraid? Well, I know I used it in the Jacuzzi. So maybe you could start jete-ing, and stop je-terrorizing me! Someone order 140 pounds of upper body strength? I could use a leather jacket for when I'm on my hog and have to go into a controlled slide. Well, OK, have sex with this girl. Right now. Get in there, have some sex with her.