She calls it a mayonegg. You must teach me the ways of the secular flesh. Gosh Mom… after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you.

If this tableau I recreate, perhaps I can re-snare my mate. Dad would stage elaborate situations using a one-armed man to teach us lessons. Yes, she happens to be more experienced than a normal girl, but sometimes love should be… terrifying.

How could I say no to the woman who gave me chlamydia? A trick is something a whore does for money… or cocaine.

She calls it a mayonegg. For the same reason you should believe a hundred dollar bill is no more than a hundred pennies! However, she mistook the drowsy eye alcohol warning for a winking eye alcohol suggestion. Hey, maybe you could pop a tent outside with your cousin Maeby… it'd be a good chance to rub off on her. You might wanna lean away from that fire since you're soaked in alcohol.

It's sort of like going from prime rib to… I don't know… weird brother of prime rib. Tobias is Queen Mary. Excuse me while I circumvent you. The old reach-around. Turn this skiff around! What's next, Michael? Are you going to make dancing illegal? Is this the tiny town from Footloose? I could use a leather jacket for when I'm on my hog and have to go into a controlled slide. Happy.

I'll be in the hospital bar. You know there isn't a hospital bar, Mother. Well, this is why people hate hospitals. Mr. Zuckerkorn, you've been warned about touching. Barry: You said spanking. Say something that will terrify me. Lindsay: F*** me. Tobias: No, that didn't do it. What do you expect, Mother? I'm half machine! I'm a monster!! I'M A MONSTER!! It's a jetpack, Michael. What could go wrong? There are dozens of us! DOZENS!

Look, you are playing adults…with fully formed libidos, not 2 young men playing grab-ass in the shower. I'm not interested in you that way. Tobias: What way? Michael: Pick one.

Hey, maybe you could pop a tent outside with your cousin Maeby… it'd be a good chance to rub off on her. Did you enjoy your lunch, mom? You drank it fast enough. Annyong. Make love in your *own* hand, Mother! It's a jetpack, Michael. What could go wrong? And THAT'S why you always leave a note.

Look what the homosexuals have done to me! You can't just comb that out and reset it? Each year, Oscar attempts the four hundred mile walk from Newport Beach to Berkeley, California. In the twelve years that he's attempted this, he's never made it farther than UC Irvine. In prison, you just have to close your eyes and take it, but here you have to close your eyes and give it. What's next, Michael? Are you going to make dancing illegal? Is this the tiny town from Footloose? Today I learned this is a real place, tho more lush than the OC. Don't ask "Can I"… ask "I Can!"

Absolutely. And we're going to be here every day. I don't care if it takes from now till the end of Shrimpfest. Te quiero. English, please. I love you! Great, now I'm late. So you take your mom to work every day? Bummer. Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It's, like, die already! Come on, this is a Bluth family celebration. It's no place for children. Do you have any idea how often you say the word "afraid"? Well, I know I used it in the Jacuzzi.